Monday, August 25, 2008

The Devil Is High Resolution

Pictured at left is the scariest photo I own that can be placed on an author blog. I look as though i am going to leap up and kill a man, just rip his spine RIGHT THE FUCK out of his back; I look feral and completely soul-less. This is not nearly competitive, however; I've checked out some other blogs - authors, young people, celebrities - and women are MUCH scarier than I am, and way sexier and more sultry in countless ways. I tried to upload a picture I have of me wearing devil horns - but out of all the photos I have on my laptop? The devil horn photo ALONE was 5.5MB. OF COURSE. Wouldn't you know it that the devil would only appear in high res?

This picture was taken for Marie Claire and as the camera clicked and the flash popped I remember thinking: KILL. KILL. KILL. So when you look at any of my author photo or my tragically wrong magazine photos and wonder What were you thinking? I can tell you straight up, IT IS ALWAYS: BLOOD. DEATH. HAIR ON THE WALLS. It's the only way I can keep a straight face, and it's an emotion anyone except children can call up immediately, if required to do so in front of a roomful of hot lights and chunky heeled stylists and men holding big sheets of white foamboard. Also? You rarely if ever see a male author smile in his photos, do you? No you do not. They always look like monsters of intellect and absolute nightmares of complex pathology. Always.


Katharine said...

I think it's kind of hot!


thank you. ahem. if you say so

still, i use it on my site and it hasn't failed me yet!

suzanne finnamore said...

wait a minute. IT FAILS ME CONSTANTLY. FUCK. ahaahahaa